TSO alerted me to this Crunchy Con blog parody. Here is the most hilarious clip:
Super Crunch!
[J-Pod 03/22 3:00PM]I like yurts. I even like the word yurt. Yurt is fun to say. Yurt, yurt,
yurt...Pre-Agrarian = Super Crunchy
[Rod Dreher 03/22 12:01PM]This email is probably a phony, but it illustrates my point so I'm going to pretend it's not.
I think you're too consumer oriented yourself, Mr. Dreher. Years ago family and I had been living in a fairly large house in the suburbs of Albany. We had all the luxuries: TV, a computer, comfortable furniture, storebought soap-- all of the trappings that kill a person's soul. Each of our four children had their own rooms! Can you imagine!?Well, I put our priorities back on track. I gave our home to a poor family with three children and a dog with three legs-- but not before gluing some of the windows open and putting a crack in the foundation. I wouldn't want them to be unvirtuous, after all.
I built us a yurt in the appalaichan region. I hunt all our meat with pointy sticks I sharpened with my own teeth, and my wife gathers berries and grubs for garnish. We heat the yurt by collecting our own methane in discarded milk bottles. All our clothing is hand made by my wife and eldest daughter (7) from the hides of the animals I kill. Nobody in our yurt has set foot in a store for two years.
Naturally, we homeschool. I teach our sons how to hunt and use tools, and my wife teaches our daughters about whatever it is girls need to know for survival. I hope to marry them off to the sons of the family in the tent across the stream from us.
One of our children died of consumption last winter, but that's why a traditionalist has so many children in the first place. One must make sacrifices, after all. And if he's going to die of consumption instead of a good, Crunchy Con disease like pneumonia, then he's better off.
I applaud your decision to put your own children at risk in a high-crime area, Mr. Dreher, but your choice to live in a house and buy your own groceries makes me wonder how committed you really are to traditionalist thinking.
This guy really has my number. That's a real Crunchy Con, right there.
2 comments:
One suggestion for improving this back to basics life: sharpen the sticks in the children's teeth. It will train them in digesting bark, which the family will resort to after the first hunting expediiton. This will also help the wife, for she will no longer waste valuable home ec time gathering grubs. (Nature provides it pre-garnished!)
Sounds like you should do your own parody-you'd be good at it (either that or you've had some experience ...)
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